The 4th

Happy 4th of July!
(One of my favorite holidays! Possibly even The favorite holiday in our house of the entire year.)

The boys are so excited to see the fireworks display on base tonight. Should be an awesome show!

What are you doing to celebrate today?

Thank goodness for left overs

Summer is finally here in New Jersey!

Tis the season for Little Swimmers. Most of you with small, potty training children probably know all about these! Thankfully we had a left over package of them in the house from way back when Nathan was still making the transition from diapered baby to transformers-printed-briefs wearing big boy.

But why would we need them now you ask? Oh gee, I don't know...Maybe because I ran out of diapers this morning and I had no choice but to plop one on Vivi's tush in hurried desperation. It was between that and pinning 2 hand towels together.

In the "Motherhood Preparedness" category of life I clearly fail today. Go me!

No matter though, she's rockin' her new look despite my many shortcomings. And they're only a teeny tiny bit too big for her:

She weighs 17 pounds. ppfftt. Oh well.

Off to the Commissary now to stock up on Luvs!





PS- (Before the Emails start rolling in:) Sorry to disappoint you all but no, we don't do cloth diapers. *gasp* That's great if you love them! More power to ya'!....I tried them once- just long enough to know they're not for me. Please don't send me 1,000 Emails about landfills and toxic chemicals now, M'kay? Disposables=sanity for our family.

In defence of mirrors

They're not all bad.
In fact, under the right circumstances they can be super fun. Especially if it's the first time you've ever truly noticed yourself in one :)

Wish you could have heard the baby giggles coming out of her. She was simply delighted by this latest discovery. Cutest thing ever!

The Mirror Lies

I've spent too much time in front of the mirror lately. Scrutinizing. Dissecting. Nit picking.

It crept up on me, this obsession with my image staring back at me. The increasing hold my scale has on me is even more troubling. Can you believe I weighed myself 6 times yesterday? Wondering if I might see a half a pound difference by the end of the day if I just worked out a little harder or ate one less apple slice...Yes, I know how crazy that is.

I always assumed I was better than this. I'm ashamed to admit my neurotic behavior here because it looks like absolute failure to see it in print. I've always been certain that I would never allow myself to be sucked into societal pressure to be *thin*. I wrote an entire college paper on the subject for heavens sake! I've always felt I was a confident enough woman to avoid basing my self worth on my appearance. That's pathetic!...Right?

Yet here I find myself.

I'm beginning to feel a bit unhinged. I need to get a grip.

I'm not entirely sure how I got here. Maybe it started with The Dress. You all remember The Dress right? That dress had me in a panic from the start. I've lost 20 pounds since then and you'd think I'd feel better about wearing it now. But no! It's worse. A girl with my body type will never look good in that dress. The end. My hips are too big, my chest is too small (read- nonexistent after nursing 3 babies in 5 years) and even if I starved myself down to 90 pounds my very bone structure wouldn't allow me look as good in it as the other girls who will be standing next to me that day.

It is what it is and I need to accept it.

Somewhere along the way though I've veered away from acceptance, choosing instead to believe that if I just lose another 3 pounds, or one more inch, then that will be the magic solution that brings me peace about it. Slowly, subconsciously, it stopped being about looking decent in the dress altogether, and it became about my inability to measure up.

I've never felt insecure about my weight before. Not even post pregnancy. So why now? What's driving this fixation?

I have my suspicions. I'll share them here in the days and weeks to come as I work myself back into a healthy frame of mind. I know one thing for sure- the pattern I've slipped into is all wrong and I need to put a stop to it. My view of myself has been clouded and my priorities have been all out of wack.

Where should my priorities be? God, my husband and my children first and foremost...I can tell you right now that my husband and children don't care if I'm a size 2 or a size 20. My heavenly Father certainly does not care. He designed me to be just as I am- pear shaped and all!- and one day in a mermaid cut bridesmaids gown is not going to change the plans He has for my life or the strengths and talents He has so generously blessed me with. What a waste it will be if I'm unable to use those blessings in the way He intended because I've allowed myself to become consumed by my own vanity. Shame on me.

For better or worse, the size of my thighs will never change who I am inside. My full length mirror keeps trying to whisper that to me, but the mirror lies doesn't it?

Evil thing.

Come to think of it, I have a perfect place for that mirror in my garage. Under a heavy tarp. It'll be plenty safe out there until I get my head back on straight. And it wont even get lonely because I plan to slip my scale in right alongside it...

Happy birthday to me!

Today is my 31st birthday.

Today is also the day the promotion list was released for Tech & Master Sgt.

Guess whose name is on the list? ;)

I suppose I'll have to change my blog signature now. Gee darn.

Congratulations Honey! I knew this would be your year!


<--- but only for a few more months- don't worry, the sewing machine is primed and ready!

The Stepford Blog

Has it really been 2 weeks since I posted anything here? Sheesh!

I've tried to sit and write countless times. I have so many things I'd like to record here, both silly and serious, but every time I find a moment to blog I stare blankly at this screen and my brain immediately empties. I can't seem to string a coherent post together.

We have alot going on here right now. Much of it is just typical busyness. Some of it is downright, good old fashioned family angst. In both areas I feel I'm being challenged in big ways. Somehow I just haven't been able to write about it yet. Maybe I'm still trying to sort it all out in my head.

Oooo, I'm so cryptic today! Not my intent- sorry.

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you can tangibly feel God working on you, changing you? Requiring more from you? I'm there right now. It's a good thing. Mentally taxing, but good nonetheless.

Semi-related to that:

Back a few months ago when I really weighed whether or not I would continue to blog here at all, I tried to consider the reasons I began blogging in the first place. I started here anonymously and it was my time to come and sort things out, vent, record the history of our family however I saw it regardless of what others' opinions might be. I could write openly because it didn't matter who was reading and that made it my cathartic place.

Somehow along the way though people in my "Real" life found out about my little page. Friends, old co-workers, in-laws...And I felt I had to start filtering myself: I shouldn't talk about that, I can't mention this, I don't want so-and-so to know I feel this way about that, blah, blah...Slowly, by omission, I seem to have created a superficial, hollow version of myself for the sake of this blog. As if it's a role I have to play- keeping up appearances. (Just call me Ms. Stepford Wife)...As time has gone on I've stopped coming here to write entirely because of it.

How lame.

Why is it that we only want the world around us to see the perfect versions of ourselves? Perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect Christian, perfect mil-spouse with a perfect house and perfectly well behaved children, a perfect marriage...We're all just shiny happy people around here aren't we? Except it's all a lie. We're all so much more multifaceted than that!

I'm not saying my life is bad or that I'm secretly some horrible person who's been fooling everyone, lol. Hardly! I'm just saying that it's a waste for me to blog here anymore if I can't be honest and authentically share my life as a whole- not just what we planted in the front garden this year :P I'm feeling more and more that it's a disservice to everyone who reads any of my drivel to only share the parts of my life that are gleaming, happy perfection. I know I get pretty discouraged reading about other women who consistently seem to "have it all together" no matter what- I can't possibly measure up to that and I start to question myself when I inevitably begin to list the flaws of my life in comparison. (We tend to do that as women don't we? Compare ourselves to others who we assume are doing it all better?)

(I wonder if any of this is making sense, or if I'm just rambling craziness into the blogshere?)

Bottom Line: Fair warning to all of you- be ready for more honesty here when I have a chance to stop by.


And on that note, that's all the time I have for today. I have a disaster of a house to clean before "Miss Thang" wakes from her nap.

Speaking of The Diva, here's a new picture just because I haven't posted one in awhile- and I'm quite sure you're all dying from the withdrawal ;)

There's an amusing story to go along with this pic too that I'll share soon :)

Brothers At War

I stumbled upon the trailer for this movie a few days ago and thought I'd share it here for those of you who might not have heard about it.

(Disclaimer: I would not watch this with young children in the room. Nothing graphic is shown but there are short clips of war-time scenarios that might not be appropriate- especially for children who have fathers (or mothers!) currently serving.)



I'm very interested to see this. I hope it will shed some light on what deployment is really like for military families.

You can find more info at the official website: Brothers At War

The movie was originally released in March and only played in limited theaters. Apparently it was still running in several cities as of May 15th. (Call your local theaters to find out if it's in your area) I've not been successful in finding a release date for the DVD. I'm going to keep looking but if anyone else has any info please leave it here in comments.

Edit: It seems that the movie trailer is not showing up for everyone. Not sure if this is a blogger problem or a YouTube problem. If you click on the "Brothers At War" link above it will automatically take to a page that will show you the same clip.

~Mrs. S

What's your secret?

A few of you have asked me how I was lucky enough to get such a cute, smiley picture of Vivienne in her sling yesterday.

Thought I'd enlighten you all by sharing my secret.

Ready? It's earth shattering...

You just gotta act like a fool.
Like this:

Screeching "Where's the pretty baby?!" in a high pitched sing-songy voice doesn't hurt either.

Hope that's an encouragement to you all. *wink*

Happy picture taking!

Still in love

The best $40 ever spent = this sling.

Oh yes, I still use it every single day. You thought I'd grow tired of it didn't you? But no! She loves it. I love it. It's love love love.

Now, by posting this picture for the entire world to see- by admitting to all of you that I'm still wearing my baby almost constantly even at 7 months old- you must think that I'm an especially committed and diligent baby wearing, organic baby food making, cloth diapering, crunchy granola Earth Momma, right?

Either that or I happen to have the most high maintenance Diva child alive who immediately screams in such a way that could crack glass the second her tush hits the floor. A child who is either so spoiled or so stubborn that I cannot put her down for more than a nanosecond lest I subject myself to her hysterical bellowing until my ears begin to bleed.

Which one is it? I'll let you decide.

(PS- Just in case you're leaning towards option #2, let me state for the record that we love her anyway, despite her overly developed lungs.)

May Flowers

Well it finally happened! I actually accomplished something during a weekend.
Ok, so really I have been busy these last weeks that I've been MIA from blog world. I've been painting rooms and spring cleaning and organizing garages.
But this weekend I got to do something FUN! We finally finished planting our front garden.

Now before you get too excited- I don't do vegetables. I've learned over the years that vegetables hate me. I'm all for fresh, organic fruits and veggies. I gladly support our local farmers market and road side stands. But I cannot successfully grow a vegetable to save my life.
Flowers I can do though! And I love them :)

The kids were enthusiastic little helpers today which made things that much more enjoyable.





Why yes, Nathan did in fact dress himself today! I'm sure you were all wondering, seeing as he's so coordinated and all ;)










I could have easily planted double what I did. I love to see color and life when I pull up to my front door! But alas, flowers cost money and there's only so much to go around. Booo.

Now if only we could find some garden edging to finish everything off, but apparently there's none left in the surrounding 3 counties :P Oh well.




Vivienne says thumbs down to unfinished gardens.

But wait! There's more!

Best of all it seems we are now the proud owners of a pet frog.
Meet Hippity:



Hooray! Just what I always wanted.

Green slimy things are a perfect finish to any work day!